Hi @Account Closed, I'm a newbie here myself. I am looking to buy my first property in the next month or two. Part of me is nervous (best to be if you want to be careful with your money!), but the rest of me is determined to study hard then PULL THE TRIGGER. Fake it till you make it. Here's some things that have helped me.
I asked for recommendations for hard money people on he boards here and got (easily) pre-approved with LendingHome. I don't know that I will be using hard money yet, but it's good to have it lined up. I had problems with the others that were recommended to me because I don't have an LLC. I also got pre-approved for a conventional loan so that when I submit offers I have a letter to attach to the offer. I used the guy my realtor suggested. Make sure it is a lender that is accustomed to working with an investor.
I also made a list of all the possible ways to look for deals and what I know about each. There's a good webinar about how to find off-market deals in the pro-replay room that formed the basis of the list, so go look for it, then add to it as you learn of more. I plan on learning about each on in detail over the coming weeks to decide which will work best for me.
You definitely need a good realtor with experience investing him/herself to help you with this process. So if you don't have one, get one! They are the ones to trust on negotiating price. Pay them to do it so you don't have to, and you'll feel less nervous about leaving money on the table. I am finding deals on the MLS but they are definitely few and far between. But as I haven't offered on any yet, I can't speak to that part. I can see using long DOM or expired listings as a valid way to use the MLS effectively to get a good deal.
I think you and your wife need to agree what criteria and farm area works for you, and then make offers. If you can very specifically agree on what works and what does not, and put it in writing, it might eliminate some of the nail biting you seem to be experiencing already.
Lastly, I've heard that the biggest thing is just to jump in when you find a good deal, and don't wait any longer.
Hope that helps some. Good luck!