Having a hot tub itself is what I would be looking for, even in luxury rentals I've booked for myself in the past :) My $0.02 is to opt for the larger, more cost-effective, option - which may not be the wood heated one. 

After I close I will still have 30k in immediate cash and I have stock market investments that are another 30k, so even more frustrating that it's not even a monetary issue

this is a toughie. hard money specifically is equity-driven, meaning they'll likely want 40%+ down to even entertain the deal. additionally, land without improvements is often very inexpensive (relative to land with improvements), usually pushing below a threshold which makes sense for a hard money lender. if you're not intending to build right away, then i think you'll have the best luck with private money instead of hard money. usually higher leverages than hard money, and more negotiable terms.if you are intending to build on it pretty right away, a ground-up construction loan could work, but those will typically require some ground-up construction experience (on title on other ground-up deals), or an extensive portfolio of heavy rehabs/ rentals/ strong liquidity. those will give you acquisition monies (to buy the land) and build monies (to build the improvements).

I know certain mobile structures are allowed to be used for a single family home but what's the exact guidelines and who can verify this information or give me a list of all the rules and permits required for different types of mobile and prefab structures? 

(At that point, you would review the loan with an attorney who would advise you if it is necessary to board the loan with a servicer licensed in that state.)FINAL THOUGHTSNo matter which scenario you choose, it’s helpful to use a high-quality loan management software program to keep track of your loans.Additionally, even if you are using a servicing company, you owe it to yourself to know what they’re doing and how the income is being applied.

I am only looking to acquire another 2-3 properties and I doubt the database will ever see 300 properties in it, and it might not get 200 or even 100 properties entered.

I'd love to connect with someone trustworthy, honest, who knows the market, and would be able to guide me step by step until closing, and even finding the right tenants.

It was a waste of time to try to even set up.

Even if your wife doesn't want to do that, it is the best strategy. 

Have a 1960s 30 unit single story motel where we are coming up on some end of life issues: the cast iron plumbing is disintegrating underneath bathrooms, radiators are starting to leak, electrical is in poor condition, and just today, discovered significant termite damage affecting multiple rooms.