In my portfolio lending world, we would have a hard time getting an investor through if they don't already own their primary residence. 

I told him my father in law was lending me 25000, and the bank would give me 527000 if the property appraised out.

Do I just call up the bank in Ohio and Kansas to see if they'd lend to me? 

It depends on the deal and structure; my hard money lender is willing to lend up to 90% of purchase price and 100% of construction costs. 

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Similarly, US lenders are very restrictive even if they are willing to consider lending to Canadians since they  are Non-Resident Foreign Nationals.

For example, hard money will lend money based on an "After Repair Value" (ARV) property and they will usually lend at a 75% "Loan to Value" (LTV). 

Moreover, without a solid W-2, you're probably going to be dead in the water unless you come through with another way to satisfy traditional lending requirements.

This way if it gets to court, you can argue that after much consideration, you decided to institute an apartment complex wide pet fee on all new tenants.

Not sure if they lend in CA.