Instead they make it look absurdly easy and something you can do without money (thereby you can buy their thousands and thousands of dollars for their "bootcamps"). 

I've seen some beautiful outdoor paths & patios done this way etc, fill in the gaps with sand or concrete.You might also donate it to a habitat for humanity store (call and ask if they'll take it first) where they might get it in front of the right set of eyes. they might give you a tax donation receipt?

I have to show the comps chosen by the appraiser were not as good as other comps or the adjustments made by the appraiser were absurd. 

This is easier than you think.Not commonly done for 1-4 unit residential, but very common for commercial.If you need a 35% capital injection, you find the human person with that capital.

I mistook the need for mutual human respect to imply that others were as good and honest and diligent as I would be if I was in their role.

Some of the indications I'm getting are that we're pushing the limit; the amount of 2/1s north of $300k or in the high 200s are absurd.

Humans cats and dogs, goldfish, tweety birds, not horses or other farm animals of any type.

Shelter is a “human need” according to NASA, along with water air and food.   

Unfortunately, builders and contractors make mistakes all the time through human error, cutting corners, or hiring the wrong subcontractors for the job.

Well not literally, because all of that is handled online as well, which takes out the human element again.