I also own a haunted hayride park open every fall, where patrons ride on a truck/trailer and shoot live zombies with turret mounted paintball guns, among other attractions we offer.  

I won't take your "Whoa, whoa, whoa there...." comment as overly patronizing in its context.

What for.How do they train their patrons. 

I can remember being in Quixote's bar (it's been moved a few times since) and the owner would climb on the roof and dump confetti in the ventilation system to rain down on all the patrons.  

I still remember the bottles of Patron and Wild Turkey some college guys left me after a particularly wild and fun-filled Mardi Gras they had.

Hi BP patrons!

Sorry if this sound patronizing.

It's not stated in a patronizing way, but very factual.  

What I'm getting at, is why not just do your own.Doll up your backyard for entertaining, lay in a few bottles of Patron and Grey Goose, and some mixers.Then invite people you have met that you can help and they can help you.Shake a hand, make a friend, and spend a buck or two on entertaining.Just my 2 cents. 

=/And just so you don't get too stressed out about us -We have turned down countless handouts, sponsorships, donations, patrons, and every TV offer and book deal pitched to us for a decade now... so you certainly don't have to worry about any eventual GoFundMe campaign; and when we choose to eat spaghetti dinners I assure you they are delicious!!