@Christopher Lane
I am totally new at this, so take what I have to say only as far as you think it should go. My wife is not working outside the home. Since the kids, she's been the best mom I have ever known anyone to be. Yes, my thoughts are from a different perspective, so again you be the judge.
If you've listened to all the podcasts and read the books here on BP, there's one you must have seen that mentions the 7 people who MUST be on your team to successfully do real estate investing. Accountant, attorney, finance person, etc, etc. But one of them was spouse. I totally agree with that, and for me, I asked my wife to not watch Bravo one night and watch one of the intro webinars. I think by watching it together, it really helped us and gave us a real face and person to the game along with a chance to watch together.
In my experience, it's not what is said, but rather how it is said. I think any reasonable person should be made aware of his or her spouse's goals and dreams and 'for better or for worse' support that set of goals or ideals. If this can be impressed upon a supportive spouse, and real life examples be described, I think that will be far more potent than attempting to train her with gifts every time you close a deal or keep it secret in the event of a 'missfire' deal.
Reading Rich Dad Poor Dad, there's a very poignant section about how Kyosaki invests in tax lien notes making 16% return. Everyone ridicules this idea because it's risky. Well, from the cliche basket: nothing ventured, nothing earned; no risk, no reward. Anything that even remotely beats inflation has some degree of risk, including risks to relationships, personal well being (generally mental well being), and those risks unforeseen. That said, like anything else in life, including getting married, one must determine risk:benefit ratio. You took a risk getting married for the benefits provided therein. YOu probably didn't think about it that way exactly, but if you go back and remove emotion from it, that's what actually likely happened. I'm a physician and that's all we do (spoiler alert, we are all gamblers in the medical game - first we try not to hurt someone, and then we take our best guess as to what will do the most good while minimizing the downside), it's just in a different form. Your ask of the forum here is nothing new, and nothing unique. It's all about how much risk in your relationship/financial behavior (or behavioral finance) you're willing to accept for a perceived benefit.
None of us on this site is able to make that decision for you, so perhaps an honest conversation with your wife and mutually agreeable limits to a smaller scale trial (lower risk with potential upside) is the best way to look at the situation.
And remember, none of us here has anything to lose or gain from the outcome of your situation. Anytime you take advice consider the biases that are obvious and try to tease out the occult biases so that you are an informed decision maker. This goes for everything in life.
P.S. I haven't completed my first transaction yet, but I'm learning a great deal here and am very grateful for your thought provoking post. Best of luck to you!
