The scope of the HECM program is too broad to rebut the misinformation here. 

There are a ton of variables along with different programs.

I am sorry that you had a bad experience with one of those guru programs.

I have been listening to the Bigger Pockets pod casts and just completed one of the recommended books called "The Weekend Millionaire's REAL ESTATE Investing Program."  

If your lender hasn't mentioned it to you yet, look into some of the new CALHFA programs.  

As an owner-occupant of a building with 4 or fewer units, you will be eligible for pretty much all of the standard residential mortgage programs.  

Kent C's. program?

And bonus question, if I use a HML to fund a project, how long do I have to wait under FNMA guidelines before I can utilize their cash out refinance program against the ARV?  

My escrowed mortgage payment is $918 without any tax deductions or local homeowner programs which will come into play after the new year, my mortgage officer said it may fall to around $850.

I'd also look into what kinds of development fees will be levied against your project by the authority having jurisdiction -- ADUs under a certain size can avoid some of these fees.The CalHFA $40k ADU grant program could also help cover some of the pre-development costs for an ADU.