In the past we have advertised with magazine publications such as Realty411 and Personal Real Estate Investor Magazine. 

Also if you have a deal you can post it in the marketplace to help advertise - which is nice if you're wholesaling.

But most of them can't pass a super easy test and/or are convicted criminals and/or are unemployed but spent $5k on a guru course they heard advertised on the radio. 

Is it worthwhile to get the papers they advertise in?

I thought about checking out one of those deals advertise in billboards, etc about $1400-$1500 per slab of granite.

You'd want to consult with an attorney for the legality of such things in your area and also speak with a broker on the rules of self-advertising while hanging your license with them.

Perhaps one that advertises that they handle hail damage.  

Hello All, We took over a property that was vacant but there was an abandoned car in the garage that has been out of service for some time....no plates, no keys, no title......what legal options do I have? 

R4-28-502, set forththe rules for real estate advertising.

Only licensees may advertise properties they don't own.