Inspection would notice foundation problems, no?

No fancy TV room needed. 

Sounds like NO isn’t doing that step and asking the OTAs to do it for them. 

As mentioned above, USDA will not make you refinance into a loan if you want to rent out the property, but they do issue some warnings.When a property is no longer occupied by the borrower as their primary residence it will affect their ability to refinance the mortgage with USDA or continue to be eligible for servicing and loss mitigation options.

Our current president is supposedly floating a policy idea of rent control to no more than 5% annually. 

the simple reply to your question is they do not exist  except for very experienced repeat clients. someone with no experience or very limited experience is not going to get a true no money down HML..

My realtor/PM says $0.95 to $1.05 per sq. ft. is a reasonable monthly rent for a 4 BR/2 BA property in that area, which (according to the BiggerPockets calculator estimate I did) is enough to cover the monthly payment plus the above costs I mentioned.I anticipate putting down my deposit and earnest money in the next few days. 

No, this is common for states to not follow the federal guidelines when it comes to bonus depreciation, there is no exemption or other work-around.

I really want to absorb as much as possible but only have about 70K in cash available, so I'd rely on financing, which I am no stranger to.

Imporant to note:The loft has a 3.25% interest rate, but I have no desire to live there again.