You failed to miss the entire point of the rant however you did provide the support for it with your ridicules assumption that there must be something wrong with me, otherwise why would I be ranting right? 

Assumption set #1: the rental unit is market priced at $1000/mth, it typically cash flows $250/mth after all appropriate costs/reserves and debt service are covered, professional, reputable screening cost $30 (usually handled through an application fee), the unit is rent ready and you have 4 weeks before it is available.

Assumptions: Closing Cost: Assumed 4%Property Tax was estimated at $2700~ on Redfin / Trulia, just pampered it a bit to be conservative just in case with whats going on.Repairs: $5,000 - Based off photos, house looks well maintained; just a reserve amount for any touch up work neededInterest Rate - Used 5.125% since it'll be an income property Rents - Prices are on par with Zillow's advertised rent in the surrounding area, verified with local REA.

I base this off the assumption you're going to be putting in more than 1hr worth of work per month and 25 bucks doesn't really cover past that.

You play it nice until it's under contract, meaning you go ahead and assume everything in the other 3 units is just as good as the one you can view, among other things.Then, during your inspection contingency, you go view it to confirm your friendly assumptions... or learn that they were too friendly and you need to renegotiate. 

Am I correct in my assumption?

. -$6,408 -$6,536 -$6,667 -$6,936 -$7,658 -$9,335 -$11,380 Operating Expenses -$22,376 -$22,896 -$23,430 -$24,535 -$27,544 -$34,769 -$43,986 Income Analysis Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 Year 5 Year 10 Year 20 Year 30 Net Operating Income $69,121 $71,345 $73,639 $78,445 $91,838 $125,671 $171,631 - Improvements -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 = Cash Flow $69,121 $71,345 $73,639 $78,445 $91,838 $125,671 $171,631 Cap Rate (Purchase Price) 8.7% 8.9% 9.2% 9.8% 11.5% 15.7% 21.5% Cap Rate (Market Value) 8.2% 8.0% 7.8% 7.5% 6.7% 5.4% 4.3% Cash on Cash Return 8.5% 8.8% 9.0% 9.6% 11.3% 15.4% 21.1% Return on Equity 8.2% 8.0% 7.8% 7.5% 6.7% 5.4% 4.3% Loan Analysis Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 Year 5 Year 10 Year 20 Year 30 Market Value $842,945 $889,307 $938,219 $1,044,261 $1,364,807 $2,331,288 $3,982,177 - Loan Balance -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 -$0 = Equity $842,945 $889,307 $938,219 $1,044,261 $1,364,807 $2,331,288 $3,982,177 Potential Cash-Out Refi $632,209 $666,980 $703,664 $783,196 $1,023,606 $1,748,466 $2,986,633 Sale Analysis Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 Year 5 Year 10 Year 20 Year 30 Equity $842,945 $889,307 $938,219 $1,044,261 $1,364,807 $2,331,288 $3,982,177 - Selling Costs -$50,577 -$53,358 -$56,293 -$62,656 -$81,888 -$139,877 -$238,931 = Proceeds After Sale $792,368 $835,949 $881,926 $981,605 $1,282,919 $2,191,411 $3,743,246 + Cumulative Cash Flow $69,121 $140,466 $214,104 $368,553 $800,132 $1,896,038 $3,393,948 - Initial Cash Invested -$814,980 -$814,980 -$814,980 -$814,980 -$814,980 -$814,980 -$814,980 = Net Profit $46,509 $161,434 $281,050 $535,179 $1,268,071 $3,272,469 $6,322,214 Internal Rate of Return 5.7% 9.8% 11.2% 12.2% 12.7% 12.6% 12.3% Return on Investment 6% 20% 34% 66% 156% 402% 776% Buy and Hold Projection Purchase Info Purchase Price $799,000 + Buying Costs $15,980 + Initial Improvements $0 = Initial Cash Invested $814,980 Square Feet 9,248 Cost per Square Foot $86 Monthly Rent per Square Foot $0.87 Income Monthly Annual Gross Rent $8,026 $96,312 Vacancy Loss -$401 -$4,816 Laundry $0 $0 Operating Income $7,625 $91,496 Expenses (% of Income) Monthly Annual Insurance (4%) -$323 -$3,877 Management Fees (8%) -$610 -$7,320 Taxes (5%) -$398 -$4,771 Misc. (7%) -$534 -$6,408 Operating Expenses (24%) -$1,865 -$22,376 Financial Metrics (Year 1) Annual Gross Rent Multiplier 8.3 Operating Expense Ratio 24.5% Cap Rate (Purchase Price) 8.7% Cash on Cash Return 8.5% Net Performance Monthly Annual Net Operating Income $5,760 $69,121 - Year 1 Improvements -$0 -$0 = Cash Flow $5,760 $69,121 Assumptions Appreciation Rate 5.5% Vacancy Rate 5.0% Income Inflation Rate 3.0% Expense Inflation Rate 2.0% LTV for Refinance 75.0% Selling Costs $47,940 Purchase Analysis Purchase Info Square Feet 9,248 Purchase Price $799,000 Initial Cash Invested $814,980 Income Analysis Monthly Annual Net Operating Income $5,760 $69,121 Cash Flow $5,760 $69,121 Financial Metrics Cap Rate (Purchase Price) 8.7% Cash on Cash Return (Year 1) 8.5% Internal Rate of Return (Year 10) 12.7% Sale Price (Year 10) $1,364,807

@Anthony Dooley Everyone I have talked to locally has been pushing me away from class C properties with the assumption I should "own a property I would live in", which makes sense to a degree as higher quality tenants that maintain a property are looking for more upscale accommodations.  

But that source is an ex-spouse who has already been characterized as the financially irresponsible one - so you can't make any assumptions about that amount becoming guaranteed income.

The following example includes broad assumptions and really rough numbers, but it will help you grasp the theory.