Sounds like your bank simply wants your personal guarantee with your name on the loan and not that of your LLC.

@Eve Favorse networking is the best way.How many people in your personal network? 

Do I personally buy cashflow negative rentals?

Hey @James Thompson Such a personal question, but coming from a realtor and investor in FL, most of our markets are pretty depressed and therefore finding lots of great buying opportunities now.

Is it my responsibility to get rid of the squatter or can I put that as a contingency?

A great way to network and meet people in your local community is to attend in person meet ups.

Bear in mind that these are business/personal credit cards and I made him explain to me how they'd help me pull cash with no fees.

I would keep as is personally. 

Thanks for all the responses and getting my "shady fee" compass back to north. 

I have personally replaced the pilot assembly in a gas-fired water heater.