While here, my Wife and 2 kids have fallen in love with this city.

Memphis Invest is one you might benefit from giving a call to explore options.If you want funding that is harder but there are some Canadian banks in the U.S. 

So, the little kids try to walk as fast as they can and say they weren't running.

Many renters with pets are more responsible with perhaps less damage than ones with kids.  

Right away I noticed that a couple was living in the living room with blow up mattresses and a  child, another couple with a kid, and a dog were living in the spare bedroom, which explained the dog turds in the yard.

This might be a solution to your self employment / bank not wanting to loan problem.That said hard money loans are short term so if you are wanting to do a rental you will want to explore a good exit strategy such as refinancing with a traditional lender once you have seasoning.

I'm exploring other options (such as partners), but really wanted to focus in on the master lease option for this discussion.Your thoughts on this? 

Evil wins, can sleep at night and enjoys the money stolen from our family and our kids.

-K Pawley Hi K.I'd be interested in exploring a partnership.

I'm currently a stay at home dad with 2 kids and we are in the process of buying a new primary residence and keeping the old house as a rental.