Seller financing. 5% interest. 5 Year balloon.

You also need to understand how the loan is amortized (usually for 15-25 years (meaning the payments are structured as if you were paying for 15-25 years) and what the term is - typically there is a "balloon" payment due at the end of some time period that is less than the amortization period.

A water shut-off key (looks like a big letter "T") in every vehicle I own, so that if I or my wife are in town and someone has a problem the water can be shut down faster than the city can get out there.3.

It would either be a balloon or variable after the initial term.

It can be answered with an email, letter, or an affidavit, with a response as simple as "No". 

Today I get a letter saying they filed an unemployment claim.

Different people like working with a company while others respond to the small guy type letter. 

I'm not willing to do hard money and would rather just look into financing options with longer balloon periods - any suggestions on where I should look?

It may be worth at least writing them a letter explaining your disgust with their behavior and see if they can provide a solution to prevent it from happening again. 

I need a sample of a yellow letter for the state of Alabama.