On the main level completely renovated eat-in kitchen with upgraded granite countertops and Energy Star stainless steel appliances.

Holding costs, closing costs, selling costs can often eat up 15-20% of a deal. 

Any agent fees and closing costs may eat up any profit.  

You don't have to set your sights as high as $700,000 you can find Multi's in good neighborhoods in good repair (though they will need updates) for $450-$500k+ , the problem you'll fid with house hacking with an FHA loan (which is the cheaper option) is the mortgage insurance will eat away at your returns and depending on where you buy that premium may cause you to only break even.

Short story you can have your cake an eat it too. 

I'm trying to reduce the cost of "bad tenants", while hopefully not eating up all my profits in the process!)

I have heard a loose argument to eat the difference and be made whole come tax time. 

Also, make sure you understand whether each line is a bid/estimate or allowance and how eats costs for overages, and if you come in under, do you get that money returned. 

She likes to go on runs, is attractive, and is a wholesome midwesterner - also smart/realistic and knows this is a major metro area.)

Every month, when he got the chargeback billing, about $15.00 he would rave about his wife and him eats take out food, no time to cook, and his landlord has a large family, constantly cooks, and have people over for dinner.