But the metaphor I've heard (which seems accurate) is that, if you buy a property just to manage it yourself, you haven't bought an investment- you've bought a job.

If they are allowed to do it for pay, it's safe to assume that the LO can lawfully do it for no pay.Pragmatically, LOs and Realtors gossip, no different than doctors and nurses, or whatever other metaphor you prefer.

With the big bank LO (your metaphorical "home seller"), what you are doing is basically asking your seller, in a seller's market, to fix a bunch of little nitpicky inspection items ("new faucet in kitchen sink that matches the oven"), when the seller knows they had 27 other offers, 7 of which were higher than yours. 

While most (myself included) hid in the metaphorical basement waiting for the tornado to blow over, a brave few ventured out and struck awesome deals.

Looking back, I realized I was hoping to hit a hole-in-one on my first attempt to play golf (I hope I didn't lose you on the metaphor).

@David Meier I agree with @Collin Corrinton about the falling knife metaphor with a couple of caveats.

Did all go well, or was there a body in the basement, metaphorically speaking?

But using a science metaphor, a theory has to account for all the data, or it needs to be amended.

That is as useless as (pick your own Useless Metaphor here).The obvious problem here is the LTV.

PaulApparently I hit a nerve with the snot nosed kid remark as a metaphor.