If you are a DJ a solo 401k plan may be an option if you are self-employed with no full-time employees. 

Some ideas off the top of my head is: Meeting them at REIAs, emailing them if they've done work in an area I like, talking with them over coffee/lunch, and possible presenting at brokerages. 

There's an IE REIA that meets monthly, and there's also one meeting at a coffee shop for those who can't make the evening meeting.

But assuming it is permissible according to local zoning and codes, would the rehabbing of the garage into a studio apt be an eligible rehab project with a 203k?

Hampton Roads is a great place to be an investor!

She has not lived in the home for 2 out of the past 5 years, so capital gains would be an issue if we wanted to sell it without a 1031 exchange. 

Even if everything is done legally regarding permits zoning use and occupancy etc, it still may be an issue  with your insurance company.

The servicing requirements may be an issue depending on the state.

But you are right, this may simply be an expensive lesson. 

If it's still too much, just reach out to people on BP and meet up with them individually for coffee or a drink.