My wife's fear was that something would go wrong and I would lose everything. 

You need 4 or 5 things to go right for it to work and only 1 thing to go wrong to break you. 

Don't get me wrong, I value the learning, I'm not looking to cut corners...I just want direct apply to real world strategy with no upselling involved.

But you cannot 1031 directly into your next primary residence.I say directly because there is nothing wrong with doing a 1031 and buying a new investment property and then a couple years later converting it into your next primary residence. 

Perhaps you should read the forum rules to see what you're doing wrong.

Also I expect that if your numbers are wrong, they'll tell you. 

I don't believe a DSCR lender would transfer the obligation to a new borrower but please correct me if I am wrong..In general, it will be be a full income verification or full documentation application with the current lender directly and no other mortgage professional would be involved.

That is wrong and immoral.

Remember, you always fix whats wrong before you fix whats ugly.

Most lenders will want to have a decent cushion should things go wrong.