You might loose a little money but you would have lost more from this one sided deal anyway. 

Last I heard, it was 1000 people per week (NET) removing themselves from Cali.

You can usually get the water company to remove the sewer portion of the bill once a a leak is repaired as it will demonstrate to them that the usage you're complaining about didn't discharge into the sewer.

Called the bank, who quickly said "sorry, your loan does not have an option for PMI removal."

Typically we would make this type of contingency with a kickout clause...the time for notification and performance to remove the contingency. 

My understanding is that so long as they confirm that they're moved out and give me the keys, I'm well within my rights to just have a junk remover / trash company take whatever was not there to begin with, and deduct that from the security deposit?

For about $300 including delivery and removal of the old appliance, I can have a replacement used washer/dryer in place for a tenant in 0-3 days.

Additionally, installing a makeup air system along with a ducted vent hood seems impractical and costly.I've considered alternative options such as a recirculating vent hood, but I'm concerned about its effectiveness in removing grease and smoke. 

If you have shower doors remove than and install curtains.

My thought about flipping a mobile home is that it removes the uncertainty of finding an appropriate refinance option.