I specifically need really user friendly accounting features (including ability to sync with quickbooks and print checks directly from the site/software), customizable online application, and online rent-pay as an option (hopefully with free or very cheap ACH). 

Hire someone cheap and you'll suffer for it.If you are "breaking even" after all expenses and maintenance, then you probably can't afford to pay a professional to handle the marketing and screening.

Lastly, price point is still super cheap - you can find deals for under $200k!

You need to switch to properties that are…Less than 20-30 years oldHave stucco siding and tile roofsDon’t have tornadoes, hurricanes, snow storms, earthquakesHave very low property taxesDon’t have state income taxesHave very cheap insuranceI have an average repair budget of under 2% of rent, average vacancy of less than 2%, insurance is 3%, property tax is 5%, capex is less than 1%.

quinoa vegetable soup, and it was was filling (and dare I say, cheap.. must have cost me ~$3.50 for all the ingredients).

True enough it depends on your GC but a good GC isn't cheap at all.

Kind of like- I feel slightly bad for taking your wood ones so I'm leaving you some cheap plastic ones instead. 

It might weird people out thinking that you can listen in on them but it is a way to offer streaming audio on the cheap. $19.99-29.99 Blink Mini 2 (latest version) plug in smart camera with audio - https://www.amazon.com/Blink-Mini-2-Camera-White/dp/B0BWWZXW...So this is available as either standard or with the weatherproofing.

Look into signing up for a Sherwin Williams PRO account - you get discounts on paint, supplies and free delivery.

Everyone I've interacted with since the settlement that wants the listing broker to work for free is a cheap investor who doesn't want to pay for anything and just wants more money in their own pocket.