As @Chris Seveney alluded to with his questions, there are a few disconnects in your narrative. 

[OR]Maybe disconnect the cans electrical, and unscrew the can bulbs from the cans and tell the renter they don't work, then the wall switch then just controls the fan, put a light kit on it and pull cords to control it (maybe patch over can holes).

One guest family disconnect Wifi again and again when the house variety smart home equipment, especially when they are not in property.  

I see that as a critical disconnect, and it also can be tricky if things go sideways - you now have this intermediary/guarantor between you and your tenant. 

Could simple changes like removing an oven and/or disconnecting a sink cause it to no longer be considered a kitchen?

I have had days in which I have made about 100 to 150 calls in which the majority are wrong or disconnected numbers, a lot of voicemails, some people cussing me off, and very few shown interest but went ahead and gave very high asking prices (a lady asked for a million dollars for a duplex).

However I am getting a lot of disconnected numbers in the mix.

I'm not sure what the disconnect is in their loan area for home loans, but being unsuccessful at closing a home loan twice with them has made them a no way lender for us for any future home purchases.We ended up going with another lender and closed the VA loan in 30 days, very easy process, so I know it wasn't us. lol. 

I just had the utilities disconnected and gave them a phone number of someone else with an STR.

I had them check uber/lyft (no drivers), had them ask the car rental company for a ride (can't do it), call a local taxi (phone has been disconnected), called the cleaner (I'm doing a cleaning), called handyman (I'm with my kids at football practice.)