Surveillance footage shows the same two kids repeatedly throwing a soccer ball against the back gate.

putting down 75% ain't bad, but if you're dead set on investing in your backyard, oftentimes it's just not an area that cashflows. if cashflow is more important to you than having your rentals be a stone's throw away, consider another market.

I have a 13 year old son who requires that I throw and catch the football or shoot hoops.

Should I throw in the towel after one successful flip and stick to my day job?

It may not make sense for you, but wanted to throw it out there. 

Of course, you have to pay the attorney so you may be throwing more money after bad if they not collectible. 

When the cleaners clean the bedroom, there's literally a cardstock with a greeting  on the pillows and inside the fridge there's some paper food note for them to enjoy the stay.

Of course that is qualification dependent, just throwing that out there though to look into the difference! 

And the current administration is throwing out new home ownership incentives to first time buyers again. 

I understand you're trying to cash out, but if you have extra cash to throw at the property - you can get rid of PMI without doing a refinance which would make your payments really low.