The new owner fixed the sagging porch and it seems some of the interior issues, but the back is still as terrible as it ever was and my plywood boarding up the front windows is still in place.

I probably would just let it slide tbh.

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I think I just need to find someone that will loan me what my house is worth and charge me some super high interest rate that I don't mind paying and give me a 3-6month window to buy a new place and sell this one (which have been selling in my area within a week) and payback the loan/interest.

I need to go down to the property and go in as apparently he left some windows open that need closed.

You have to remember that they're probably going to be somewhat at the mercy of a lender so a 30-45 day window is pretty standard. 

I've got a great supplier/installer here on the Coast.I'm not familiar with the Magee market, but a quick MLS search shows no active rentals on market in town.I've learned the hard way on the BRRRRs, if you go ahead and do everything (within a reasonable budget) Roof, HVAC, windows, kitchen bathrooms, you'll save yourself time/money down the road.Good Luck!

A bit strange, I thought about this a bit and I didn't know if this could be signs of a sketchy scenario or if it was none of my business (besides the non-existent damage to the doors/ windows).

I would guess that for the most part, bedrooms aren't completely dark with no windows.

Regarding insulation, how are the windows?