Originally posted by @Peter Morgan:
@Sue K.
Thank you all. I feel it puts a landlord in a complicated situation especially when cohabiting with multiple families and it needs to be handled tactfully . If you oblige and socialize tenants will seek favors and try to take undue advantage and if you don’t socialize they may end up treating you as pariahs for not socializing.
Oddly, the good tenants never treat you like a pariah for not socializing. They don't normally expect to socialize with the other tenants in an apartment building. Like living in any apartment building, even like I do now in a senior apartment building, you have to watch out for the friendly ones. They're the ones who will want to borrow things from you, want rides places, want you to watch their dog, etc.
So, I really wouldn't worry about it. What you could do when you interview prospective applicants is tell them that you aren't the kind of landlord who will bother them, and you appreciate not being bothered with anything other than landlord-tenant issues from your tenants, so everyone can live their own lives without things being awkward. The ones you want to rent to will be the type to sigh a huge sigh of relieve that their landlord will not be all up in their business. They make for good tenants and neighbors.
Having a default answer until you get comfortable with setting the boundaries, is to just always answer with "Let me think about it." Then, eventually, you will learn to say no right away, in whatever words you find most comfortable- "Oh, I'm sorry, but that's not something my lawyer suggests I allow," for instance. It is helpful if you can blame it on someone else, if you find that more comfortable than just saying a straight out no.
But, it's also really true that at the same time, you can be really friendly. I was very friendly. And I would really nicely say no. I'd say, oh, I completely understand why you want to be able to park in two parking spaces, or want a pet rabbit, or want a washer/dryer in your unit, or want the owner to pay for your blackout curtains...but, you know I can't say yes because the lease says no and if I let you do it, I have to let everyone else do it, and so as much as I understand why you want what you want, I'm just so sorry, but I have to say no. I'll completely understand if you feel you have to move out and if that's what you choose to do, I'll be happy to work with you on your move-out date...(if it gets that far). Yay for month to month rentals.