@Jim K.
Wow! Thank you so so much for investing your time in helping me grow. Your reply is full of so much wisdom! I keep reading it over and over (along with replies from several other awesome and kind people on here, @Steve Vaughan) and my mind is spinning.
Complete transparency... I was initially dismissing the conversation about getting an older car, telling myself, "they've all gone off on a tangent and whether or not to sell my car is not what I was asking." But I've learned to pay more attention to the things I find myself strongly objecting to. Seems as though they often contain the nuggets most crucial to my growth. ;-)
I'm going to get personal for a bit here and it's probably more detail than any of you care to read about. Yet it feels important for me to write the words, even if no one reads them except me.
I'm 45, the mother of 5 children, and grandmother to some pretty cute little humans. I grew up conditioned to believe that my role in life was to be a wife and a mother and that's pretty much it. I played the part for quite some time yet it was never really all that satisfying to me. I love my children and enjoyed being a mom, but it wasn't enough. I always wanted more.
Thirteen years ago I chose to get divorced, go back to school, and leave the religion I had grown up in. Over the ensuing years I evolved into a completely different person - one I like much better! My journey has been full of learning about myself and lots of mini triumphs of self-empowerment. I feel truly blessed.
The one part of my journey that is still in the earlier stages of evolution is financial independence. I've been taking care of myself financially since shortly after my divorce. That's not what I'm referring to here. Rather it's my internal journey that I've struggled with.
You see I spent a good portion of my life believing, even after I got divorced, that any true financial wealth, and the ensuing freedom that would bring, was only going to come as a result of being in a relationship/marriage. I bought into this idea that this fictional man who is to be my future husband is going to have the capacity to generate wealth yet I do not have that same capacity on my own. It sounds silly as I write the words, yet that is a belief I have carried around with me.
I've made a tremendous amount of progress financially over the past thirteen years. I went from living (surviving) on a part-time $8/hr job, food stamps and student loans to graduating with a master's degree and landing a job with a current salary I would have never imagined was possible for me thirteen years ago. So I am really proud of myself.
Yet I realized today that, although I haven't been competing with the Joneses, I do view my ability to purchase certain things (my car for instance) as some sort of proof that I am not that housewife and mother who can't take care of herself financially. So when I started to really consider the idea of selling my car, it made me feel sick inside. Like somehow not having that car would be evidence to everyone that I am not an independent and capable woman.
And then I realized how utterly ridiculous that notion was!!!
Having the courage and the discipline to do what it takes to create financial freedom for myself is a heck of a lot better indicator of my independence and capability than anything I could buy with money.
This is a HUGE AHA for me!!! So thank you to all of you!!!
I'm so so grateful to each one of you who took the time to share your thoughts with me and coach me along my journey. I have work to do... and I'm so excited about it! <3
