I share a few thoughts and you can feel free to reach out directly with any questions to discuss more if you'd like.
1. I'd like to challenge that you can't qualify for a renovation loan - you probably can't qualify for a conventional loan and/or owner-occupied loan that will provide renovation funds, but there are other financing options for investor loans. As Dawn pointed out there is a great investor community in RVA, and that includes a lot of folks who will do private/hard money loans for you purchase and renovate investment properties. Taking on a project is one of the best ways to find a deal worth buying, vs. buying a property that doesn't meet your numbers. Get involved in some of the local meetups and network with some lenders - Look up RING, Rise, REIA, etc.
2. I like to challenge the common belief that renting is throwing money away. I am a Realtor, and you won't find many realtors who agree with me on this area. For me I've built up a decent rental portfolio in RVA and I rent where I live, and this works perfectly fine for me. If you overpay for a house just to buy for sake of not wasting money on rent, IMO this would be a financial mistake in most cases. While renting can be seen as 100% sunk costs, owning a house also comes with a lot of sunk costs. Do some math around average costs per month once you look at Interest, Taxes, Insurance, new furnishings, maintaining and budgeting to replace your roof, HVAC, all the components in your house. Housing is an expense whether you own or rent. Now, if you find a house that you'd like to live in and either A) you see yourself in that house long term, or B) this house would make sense to use as a rental if you moved out, then by all means buy! But don't approach it as buying = good, renting = bad. Run the numbers.
3. If you do find a house with decent numbers - house hacking really is one of the best financial decisions you can make. Small multifamily can be great, but IMO the numbers rarely support it in Richmond - you need to find a really good deal. But buying a house and renting to 1-2 roommates can be great. And it sounds like from your story that you'd prefer this quality of life to staying with family. This was my first purchase, and while I have since sold that place and began renting again, it was awesome having a roommate pay my mortgage.