I have to agree with Ann Bellamy. "Private Money" and "Hard Money" are nebulous terms at best, but I have come to think that "Private" implies some form of prior relationship between lender & borrower whereas "Hard Money" means the loan is made, not against the borrower's credit, but against the "hard" asset.
Even though I am essentially a HM lender, I term myself as a private lender because: 1) not everyone is even familiar with the term "hard money", and 2) the loans I make are with either my own private funds or pooled with those of a small group of close friends. But like a HM lender I make loans without much consideration to the borrower's credit and instead consider the asset type/quality, title, and LTV. I will however research the general character of the borrower and strive to avoid any obvious trouble-makers. Once I find a loan that meets my criteria it will be made at 10-12% and 0-2 points.
While it is easy to assume that HM lenders are sharks, consider that many HM lenders are investor funded and as such must constantly recruit investors, pay those investors 8-12%, cover the cost of an initial Reg D filing, and meet the ongoing overhead of salaries, office expenses and so on. I doubt I could do all that for 18%!
As for finding a list of lender's, the problem small lender's like me have (and a likely reason there is no list of good small lenders )is that solicitation gets us in trouble. What with state regulations, the SAFE act and our inability to solicit investors, we have to keep a low profile, making this a word of mouth business.
So if I were looking for a Private Lender I would put the word out to local mortgage companies/brokers, title companies and attorneys.