@Tim Coulter It can be frustrating as a broker to spend hours trying to structure a deal for someone who ends up going elsewhere but it pretty much comes with the territory to a certain extent. I think that you sound very conscientious about the value of each of their times so just continue be as honest and forthcoming as you can with each of them.
I've personally never told someone that its not going to be a good fit if they are shopping me around hahah Saying that pretty much breaks my promise that I'm working with the borrower's best interest in mind and if for some reason I'm not able to recognize the best program for that person and another broker is then kudos to them. They deserve the deal as unfortunate as that would be for me. However, I do try to understand all expectations and limitations up front.
The truth is that if you give as much information up front and the broker knows exactly what questions to ask in order to determine which lender's guidelines/programs would be the best fit then that first broker should be able to come up with the best terms available for your scenario.
Like anything else, of course brokers have niches or certain types of programs that they know back and forth and others they may be aware of but need to study up on in order to truly sell/execute. Personally, I'll be honest and say I'm no expert in FHA 203k loans. If a friend came to me for help on an FHA 203k loan for their house of course I could help them but its not something I'm out there trying to solicit business on really. Its on the back burner of things I'd like to study and be able to push. Until then, I'd defer to someone else in my office who would hit it out of the park.
A very common thing I see is people have a "mortgage buddy" who is great at residential stuff but totally novice with non owner occupied investment property loans. That is why from the beginning I made the latter my main focus. Not to mention I prefer dealing with investors simply because its more business and less emotion.