my pre foreclosure letter please critique

[Roc P.]

Hello everyone I'm a newbie to this whole marketing aspect, my main goal is to wholesale or use other creative methods to getting deals done.

My focus right now is pre foreclosure since the info is free and that I can type the letters out. I've read that handwritten or yellow letters get a better response so that is something to think about in the future.

A little history I sent letters to individuals 2 weeks away from sheriff sale, so hopefully the motivation is there. I sent a total of 16 letters, again I know its not alot but I'm focusing on doing something instead of not doing anything.

Without further ado here is the letter, I typed using info from this forum and other sources:

Dear ,
I’m truly sorry that you are facing a foreclosure. I noticed in the public records of blank County, that a foreclosure action has been filed against your property and you may not be aware of this. If this is the case I urge you to contact your lender immediately to clear this issue.
YOUR PROPERTY IS SCHEDULED FOR SHERIFF SALE ON THURSDAY, 01/15/12, SALE STARTS AT 11:00 A.M., THIS IS FOURTEEN DAYS AWAY! PLEASE CONTACT ME TODAY; I’M A LOCAL REAL ESTATE INVESTOR WHO CAN HELP YOU HELP YOU AVOID THIS FORECLOSURE.
Again contact me today as time is of the essence!

Thank you

[J Scott]

In my (limited) experience, the closer you get to the short sale, the less likely it is that a homeowner will be willing to engage a letter such as this. By this time, they've likely received many letters like yours and unless you can promise them something that all the others haven't (or unless you get lucky and your arrives at the perfect moment), it's unlikely to sway them any more than the previous letters they ignored.

In fact, in my experience, within 30 days of the auction, at least 50% of the homeowners have moved out and the letters never get delivered.

On top of that, I'm not sure I like your actual letter. First, you tell the homeowner that they should be contacting their lender -- why would you do that? They key is for them to contact YOU. Second, you don't provide any substantiation for HOW you can help them...why should they believe you?