The Joke Thread

[Timothy W.]

There needs to be a lightening up here...so I'll start it. Any political jokes will result in a beerboarding - and not with good beer, we're talking Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Got this one today from a realtor:

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

[Jim Wineinger]

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table yesterday morning.

I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to sell all my stuff immediately."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some jerk using my stuff."

She looked at me and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another jerk?"