The Realtor Glossary

[Timothy W.]

Can't remember where this started but a few friends and I have added to this as it has grown. (Note: This is not a slam against realtors, so don't take it personal. Just some fun ribbing at sales and marketing we saw at the height of REI nonsense the past 5 years.)

"Spacious" - Average square footage.
"Charming" - Small square footage.
"Comfortable" - Very small square footage.
"Cozy" - Very, very small square footage.
"Low maintenance" - No yard.
"Walk to stores" - No parking.
"Prestgious" - Outrageously overpriced.
"Bright and sunny" - We put in 100 watt bulbs to brighten it up.
"Townhouse" - Former tenement housing.
"Modern" - 30 to 40 years old.
"Contemporary" - At least 15 years old.
"Related living" - Use it to stay in the will.
"Recently updated" - We used new carpet and paint to hide structural defects.
"Estate" - Gravel road, half an acre and an outrageous tax bill.
"Quaint" - Outdated.
"Romantic" - Outdated and overrun with vegetation.
"Victorian" - Outdated, overrun with vegetation and needs a complete exterior rehab.
"Historical" - Outdated, overrun with vegetation and will take you 2 years for the local historical society to issue the permit for the complete exterior rehab.
"Romantic Victorian" - Haunted.
"Frank Lloyd Wright Style" - Ranch with flat roofs and 2' overhangs.
"Sprawling ranch" - Inefficient floor plan.
"Natural setting" - Deer will eat your landscaping.
"Secluded setting" - Beyond the scope of GPS.
"Executive neighborhood" - Outrageously high taxes.
"Near houses of worship" - Fanatical sect next door.
"Park-like setting" - One tree on the block.
"Unaffected charm" - Needs painting.
"Starter home" - About to collapse
"Hurry! Won't last!" - On the city's demo list.
"And much, much more" - I'll say anything to sell this listing.
"Investment property" - Really, I will say anything to sell this listing.