Finding my WHY in the face of adversity

[Darwin Crawford]

This one is a little personal.  Which is fine, because at the end of the day, we all do this song and dance for personal reasons.  However, I'm sharing this because maybe my story will help the next person, and its sunday morning.  I get introspective sometimes.  What can I tell you, its been that kind of a week.  

One week ago, the real estate startup where I worked folded.  As in buh-bye, see ya later, we're outta money, deuces kids.  There was some writing on the wall, and those of us that were there from the beginning might have had some idea, but it came pretty far out of left field, timing wise.  Its sometimes hard to see when you're in the thick of generating revenue.  

I was always the weird guy in the office, I drove the cheapest car, and was rushing out to do stuff to my rentals.  You see, I come from a fairly warped background, and have always had a deep seated level of financial insecurity.  Although my parents did well, it was very much a roller coaster, and I've got a few scars.  So I got into this business with some specific goals in mind, the biggest being generating income that was actually secure, rather than controlled by the whims of others.  Its gone well, but at this point in my life, it is NOT a living wage yet.  Its close, but I have some family to help take care of, and as we all know, when the money gets thin is where the tough survive.  

I'm 35, have had a couple businesses, and depending on how you want to spin it, have either had a successful life or have F*cked up spectacularly.  Its all a matter of perception I suppose.  I do have a ton of knowledge and experience, but at times have not been able to translate that into financial success.  Some might say I have put principles ahead of profits, others might call it being a stubborn bullheaded SOB.  

The morning of being let go was not anything profound, just a coffee with my then boss, who matter of factly explained that they spent more than we were bringing in through wholesaling millions of dollars a month.  Whoops.  

However, this led me to head home, sit by my pool and think until my ears bled.  We all have success and failure stories, we all have reasons why we struggle, have triumphed, and have also had our a$$es handed back to us on plates.  What greater ideas do you have, what gets you out of bed, and what would you do once you didn't have to work at a job anymore?  What worries me at night, what am I leaving for the next round of humans who have to take their lap around the sun?  Does anyone give a $hit what I do all day?  Accepting the possibility that the answer is "no", might be a healthy choice.  As the line from Fight Club goes: you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. 

From this, I gathered a few things.  One is that $hit happens.  Two is that rentals are a great fallback income.  Duh.  Three was that I decided to not go back down the fast money rodeo of wholesale office, listening to idiot newbies talk about the rolex they are going to buy with their first spread, or posting to their IG account about some car that won't make them happy.  What would make for a happy business?  For me, for you, for my family?  To me, its got to have a purpose.  

Disclaimer here:  I am a bag of contradictions, but also strong opinions, loosely held.  The following might piss some people off and I don't care.  I grew up in a small town, can handle a rifle, field dress a deer and fix my own rentals, and weld circles around most people.  I also know (not think, KNOW - I've seen it) that we are killing our own planet due to unnecessary consumption and greed, and need to knock that $hit off.  I dislike a lot of cultural norms of this country, the one I hold in deepest contempt is complacency, followed closely by ignorance and the general cheapness and selfishness that consumerism has bred into us.  

About a year ago, I got down the rabbit hole of efficiency, energy, and other topics that seem to engross a lot of hippie morons with internet connections.  However, as a landlord with 11 doors of property and the power/water/gas bills all in my name, it has distilled me into what I would call an "eco-capitalist".  This is my why.  I believe we can live in well built houses that don't $hit all over the place we have to live, and that as a landlord, I bear some responsibility to manifest this change.   I have proven, with working projects, that you can use less, be responsible, be efficient and also live well.  You don't need to be sweating in a filthy hovel swatting flies.  You can, with a little intelligence, some hard work, and thinking outside the box, provide beautiful, efficient, responsible housing for lots of people, who in turn, will make you wealthy.  

So, what does all this ranting and raving mean, in a practical sense?  What did I do about it other than write some slightly nutty manifesto-esque piece on BP?  Well, over another coffee, with a guy who is basically me in 12 years, I fleshed out the basics, and will be taking clients for a new asset management company, which I started last week, to propagate what I believe in.  No, this isn't a solicitation, you'd have to be a lunatic to get in touch with me and ask me to run your rental, and I'll probably say no anyway.  

However, as I began with, I found my WHY in the face of adversity, and should you be in the same boat, I can honestly say that you should do the same.  It'll light a fire under your backside again, which is what I needed.  I also have slept better in the past week than I have in months.  

 - Darwin ; Scottsdale AZ.