Why am I having such a hard time with HM lenders? Unrealistic?

[Pat Mulligan]

I have a property under contract and have been working with a loan broker FOR OVER A MONTH! I'm in clear danger of the seller's patience running out. Was told we "passed" the lender's test: 730 Credit scores, plenty of $ for DP and reserves, years fo experience as RE Broker and PM, plus 2 rental properties and hx of BRRR. 2 weeks later, " the lender feels you do not have enough recent flip experience" and terms are up t 20% DP plus 4, not 2, points. Waited 3 weeks after ordering the appraisal for the ARV to come in 10K over as-is. WHAT?!? They want me to order a new appraisal before they would consider financing.

I contacted another lender to do a buy and hold (this is really a good deal for either a flip, or rental). The lender says he will do a "maybe" a 10% DP and rates 9-12% on a short term loan. No guarentees, of course, before another appraisal, and an application as extensive as Wells Fargo's. Property is under contract for $195K; CMA (not appraisal tho) is $325. I really hate to lose this deal.

I have never used hard money before and I feel so stupid here. My questions are:  

1) if CI and friends are so "excited to lend you money" why is it so hard to borrow with good credit +cash without the lender spending all of yours? 

2) is my loan broker experience ( dragging along, bait and switch) typical of working with a broker

3) Anything you would recommend that I could do in a hurry to save my deal? 

I would appreicate any help you could give me.  Thanks in advance

Pat