Wholesalling Direct Mail

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Hi everyone,

I was looking at potentially doing the wholesaling inc. course, but after doing some research everyone says you shouldn't pay for anything because there's enough info out there. I'm looking at starting to direct mail customers via listsource. I have my list of 400 people generated and was wondering if I could get feedback on what I have so far. I contacted a prominent real estate investor in my area who happens to live a couple houses down from me. He offered me to give him a deal in return for getting experience going through the process, which I think is definitely worth it. I created a legal fictitious name and LLC for direct mail marketing in order to prevent myself from potential legal mishaps while also presenting myself as a professional to potential motivated sellers (even though I'm just a college student). My plan was to:

Send letters in envelopes with my company's name on it and a handwritten, copied, letter about my situation and how I would like to buy their house to help them, i.e.

About: I am a Marine Corps veteran and a student at the University of Pittsburgh studying industrial engineering. I am looking to help home owners in the Pittsburgh area by offering them cash for their home in order to alleviate current personal issues.  I have teamed with local investors that will allow the closing process to happen quick and straightforward.  It is my goal to make this transaction beneficial to all of us.

Very Respectfully,

Joseph

I know this is long, but writing "WE BUY HOUSES. CLOSE FAST CASH $$$$" Seems like a bunch of B.S. I'm thinking if I got a letter like this, I'd probably be less inclined throw it away.  Also the logo, envelope, and cover letters look very professional if that helps.

Any feedback would be great or I'll just conform to wholesaling inc. haha. (jk)