Spouse won't support real estate goals? What to do...

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Spouse won't support real estate goals? What to do...

Ryan Enk
Covington, LA 路 Member since 2014 路 292 posts 路 102 votes

Many people get excited about getting started with real estate and then they talk to their spouse about it, and it totally deflates them.  There are many reasons why spouses don't support the endeavor, but FEAR has got to be on the top of the list.  My wife has never made decisions based on fear, but I want to know some tips and tricks from married veterans who have helped their spouse overcome fear, and how they did it.

The Wife and the PlanThe Wife and the Plan- Blog: Announcing My Goal to Gain 1000 Doors to My Wife

My personal point of view is this: If it's not good for both of you, it's not good for EITHER of you.  And if your spouse doesn't support your real estate goals, it will be VERY HARD to accomplish them.

My wife doesn't make fear based decisions, BUT, she DOES want to remain a PRIORITY in my life and sometimes my new ventures make her worry that she will get less time from me.  So my personal tip for anyone in that situation is to make first things first.

The first thing I do in the morning is get up early (5ish) and spend time with my wife.  We do something called a T.R.I.P.  The T stands for Thankful where we say what we are grateful for.  This is my personal favorite because the focus first thing in the morning isn't the toilet seat I left up or the dirty socks on the floor.  It causes the mind to focus on gratitude instead.  The R stands for reflection where we read something from the Bible or watch one of my entrepreneur type videos or books and then reflect on it.  The I stands for Intentions.  We pray for people and things in our life.  And the P stands for Planning so we can both be on the same page throughout the day.

To be honest, sometimes the TRIP becomes a (TR...) because we have 5 kids and get interrupted.  Nevertheless, this routine has blessed my marriage and helped me whenever I want to pursue something major that requires time and investment.

My advice above, however, only addresses the issue of not feeling prioritized.  But the #1 issue from spouses is fear.  What are your tips to address fear with a spouse?

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Jay HinrichsBusiness Member
Real Estate Consultant 路 Summerlin, NV 路 Member since 2014 路 45k+ posts 路 66k+ votes
7y

have your wife be a top producing retail realtor and your troubles are over..  But its her that is gone and focused on her business. but we enjoy the fruits of her labor .. 

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  • Brent Paul
    Rental Property Investor 路 Shakopee, MN 路 Member since 2015 路 985 posts 路 374 votes
    7y

    It took a lot of convincing and numbers with data for me.  We sat down and went over our goals of what we would like to accomplish.  One of the most important things was to travel more and kids college.  She is also very unhappy with her job, but is staying for us so she can put more into savings for a rental house.  I made a simple spreadsheet in excel.  Very basic.  A list starting with 1 house and going down to 10 houses.  Then in another column I put monthly income generated as well as number of years to pay down 1 house with a certain number of houses.  I have 2 different scenarios.  One has no houses paid off but generating cash flow and the 2nd has just 1 house paid off and the rest aren't.  I did one with 250 per month, 300 and 400 per month cash flow. She figured out we would need 8 properties generating 400 per month each in cash flow or worst case scenario 16 properties with 250 per month to totally replace her income.  Once those numbers clicked for her it really helped a lot to see the bigger picture.  This would allow her to take a little bit of a pay cut, but have a more enjoyable job that isn't so stressful.  I also have a rule where we must have 6 months of expenses in savings before buying the next one.  That helps alleviates the fear in the event we can't find a renter right away.  6 months might seem extreme to some people, but it really gives us peace of mind that we are prepared. 

    1Reply
  • Ryan Enk
    OP
    Covington, LA 路 Member since 2014 路 292 posts 路 102 votes
    7y

    Awesome @Brent Paul a lot of it is the fear of the unknown.  So the simple solution is to KNOW.  Great advice!  Break it down into numbers to ease the fear and make a decision based off the facts.  

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  • Brent Paul
    Rental Property Investor 路 Shakopee, MN 路 Member since 2015 路 985 posts 路 374 votes
    7y

    Oh and I might add I signed both of us up for a local real estate conference which has a Q/A session with realtors, investors, lawyers, accountants, etc.  She is also learning and beginning to listen to podcasts.

    You are right though the unknown can definitely cause fear.

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  • Russell BrazilBusiness Member
    Moderator
    Real Estate Agent 路 Washington, D.C. 路 Member since 2012 路 17k+ posts 路 30k+ votes
    7y

    My tip starts with you as opposed to her. Start with realistic goals. Dropping something on your wife like that you want 1,000 doors, not only is it pretty unrealistic, but of course something that crazy is going to turn people off.

    So my tip is instead of telling her you want 1000 doors....how about starting with 1. 

    [email protected]301-893-4635Podcast Guest on Show #192
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  • Jay HinrichsBusiness Member
    Real Estate Consultant 路 Summerlin, NV 路 Member since 2014 路 45k+ posts 路 66k+ votes
    7y

    have your wife be a top producing retail realtor and your troubles are over..  But its her that is gone and focused on her business. but we enjoy the fruits of her labor .. 

    Podcast Guest on Show #222
    JLH Capital Partners51 Review
    WebsiteView Page
    4Reply
  • Clifford Paul
    Rental Property Investor 路 Member since 2018 路 483 posts 路 956 votes
    7y

    I just kept trading up until I found a wife that was real estate investor friendly. Worked great for me and I can still sleep in as late as I want.  Mostly joking but actually a true story.

      "Life is short and sometimes trying to make lemonade from lemons is not the best course of action when there's a lemonade stand next door "  Clifford Paul 

    2Reply
  • Ola Dantis
    Multifamily Syndicator 路 Houston, TX 路 Member since 2016 路 1k+ posts 路 2k+ votes
    7y

    Great post, @Ryan Enk!

    I think a very simplistic way to prove to a spouse or mitigate the fear is to prove that REI works. Get a deal done and let them see the results.

    From my experience, this is always a winner! 馃

    1Reply
  • Ryan Enk
    OP
    Covington, LA 路 Member since 2014 路 292 posts 路 102 votes
    7y

    Thanks @Russell Brazil.  To provide some context, I already have a big real estate portfolio and have been doing it for 15 years.  The challenge I'm giving myself is based on syndicated apartment investing.  It's definitely realistic, but will be challenging.  62 Doors down and only 938 to go! Lol

    I'm mainly looking for a collection of advice from people who have "been there done that" to give to new real estate investors.  I give advice all the time but my experience with my wife is very different from what most people experience.

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