Help me convince my significant other RE Investing is beneficial

Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes

BP Members,

I am relatively new to RE investing and looking to start building my RE portfolio (multi family and/or SFH). I have had one prior property (SFH) that happened out of necessity rather than informed investing. That experience was poor for a few reasons but ended up OK when we sold.

However, now I am looking to get into active RE investing but am having a hard time convincing the significant other. I know there are benefits to owning a positive cash flow property, even if the numbers are tight, but am having a hard time articulating the facts for my opinion.

I have been looking in the BP forums, but the sheer number of threads and responses are immense.

What are the potential benefits/and or advice for someone like me, a $144K W2 employee, who is renting (thanks divorce) with decent credit score (again, thanks divorce), a veteran, with some cash in a TSP to invest, who is looking at markets out of my residential state (AZ) and not looking to house hack?

Please help me convince her RE investing is the way to go.

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Tess Reitz

Investor · TN · Member since 2021 · 3 posts · 12 votes

I'd back it up a little, getting your partner on board right now won't be won through the facts around why REI is a tool for cash flow and wealth building (although that will be important later). Try shifting your perspective from why it makes sense for you, to why this makes sense for her. She already knows you're on board, and I'm sure your excitement means something to her but how can REI get your partner closer to her life goals? Schedule some time for you both to discuss: what experiences do you each want from life? What lifestyle do you hope to achieve? What is stopping you from having those things right now? Take your time, get specific, and no answer is too big or unrealistic. Once you've done that, then address how REI can help her achieve those things and allow her to share alternate strategies to get there that might not be REI. It's cliche but it's true: you have to start with "why"! Hope this helps, and good luck!

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Jaron WallingPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2018 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner Are you remarried? This makes a big difference when jumping into REI. I've struggled (1st world problems) getting my wife into real estate. We renovated the better half of a property together and planned a wedding at the same time. It went as good as anyone could hope for. We survived it and learned a lot.

But, since then we have stepped off the gas pedal. She's not really "into" REI. It's 75% my thing, 25% hers, but it's 50/50 OUR MONEY. They best advice I have from a 36 y/o is don't pressure anyone to get into REI. My wife enjoys the numbers and meeting with contractors. She likes getting quotes but has zero desire to swing hammers, call off work for anything , or rolling paint. Maybe your significate other enjoys meeting new people (contractors, agents, RE meetups, REIA events, etc.)? Being a people person is huge plus. Use that angle and start meeting like minded people. It's not just about properties, cash-flow, numbers, etc. It's about making friends and lifting people up. My wife and I enjoy that aspect of RE. It's not the meat and potatoes (rehabs, PM, repairs/maintenance) aka my stuff, but it's extremely important for success in this world.
2 Reply
Chadwick Cotner
OP
Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes
3y
Quote from @Jaron Walling:

@Chadwick Cotner Are you remarried? This makes a big difference when jumping into REI. I've struggled (1st world problems) getting my wife into real estate. We renovated the better half of a property together and planned a wedding at the same time. It went as good as anyone could hope for. We survived it and learned a lot.

But, since then we have stepped off the gas pedal. She's not really "into" REI. It's 75% my thing, 25% hers, but it's 50/50 OUR MONEY. They best advice I have from a 36 y/o is don't pressure anyone to get into REI. My wife enjoys the numbers and meeting with contractors. She likes getting quotes but has zero desire to swing hammers, call off work for ____ , or roll paint. Maybe your significate other can enjoy meeting new people (contractors, agents, RE meetups, REIA events, etc.). Being a people person is huge benefit. Use that angle and start meeting like minded people. Not just about properties, cash-flow, numbers, etc. It's about making new friends and lifting other people up. My wife and I enjoy that aspect of RE. It's not the meat and potatoes (rehabs, PM, repairs/maintenance) but it's extremely important for success in this world.

Jaron,
Thanks for the reply. No, not remarried, but she has a RE Agent license (not working currently) and loves the meet and greets. But, being a woman, she is apprehensive about how I spend "our" money, especially out of state. I believe that RE is a major factor in creating income/wealth, but since we don't have "play money" to invest she is dragging her feet. Meanwhile, I'm doing whatever I can to learn about the business on what little spare time I have and itching to get started.
CW
1 Reply
Jaron WallingPro Member
Rental Property Investor · Indianapolis, IN · Member since 2018 · 4k+ posts · 4k+ votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner It's the "dragging feet" aspect that's tough to read. My wife is doing that but for a really good reason. We're expecting in December so we stepped off the gas until our baby is born. Family first.

But I'm still in her ear about real estate. Maybe you can draw out a plan and say "I really want to find/buy/create an opportunity for us in the next 6 months". People have to talk about money. If you have a spreadsheet you can show the numbers behind your reasoning. Display the actual COC or ROI and explain loosely what it means. You said she's got RE license but that's doesn't always equate to REI mindset. Being an agent is working sales. Being an investor is buying right and working a strategy. Make that clear in her mind and maybe she'll catch the bug. Having a license and having an investor mindset is a POWERFUL combination.
1 Reply
Tess Reitz
Investor · TN · Member since 2021 · 3 posts · 12 votes
3y
I'd back it up a little, getting your partner on board right now won't be won through the facts around why REI is a tool for cash flow and wealth building (although that will be important later). Try shifting your perspective from why it makes sense for you, to why this makes sense for her. She already knows you're on board, and I'm sure your excitement means something to her but how can REI get your partner closer to her life goals? Schedule some time for you both to discuss: what experiences do you each want from life? What lifestyle do you hope to achieve? What is stopping you from having those things right now? Take your time, get specific, and no answer is too big or unrealistic. Once you've done that, then address how REI can help her achieve those things and allow her to share alternate strategies to get there that might not be REI. It's cliche but it's true: you have to start with "why"! Hope this helps, and good luck!
7 Reply
Jay ThomasPro Member
Real Estate Agent · Houston, TX · Member since 2021 · 1k+ posts · 716 votes
3y
Diversifying your investments with properties can provide passive income and hedge against inflation. You can leverage your experience and TSP funds to invest in out-of-state markets. Join real estate communities for valuable insights. Address your partner's concerns and present a well-thought-out plan to convince them of the benefits of real estate investing.
[email protected]832-889-5607
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Evan Polaski
Cincinnati, OH · Member since 2020 · 4k+ posts · 3k+ votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner, I agree Tess. This is about her. Not convincing her, but her goals, her fears, her wishes. Like any sales job: what is she looking for. Once you understand and hear that, you layer in what you have learned and your plans to align those.
Another tool you could use: my wife likes to hear from others, as well. I was able to truly get my wife on board with investing (beyond what I had done with "my money") by connecting her with an acquaintance of mine that was a full time flipper/designer/mom. This was 8 yrs ago, and my wife still talks with this other woman near daily (and definitely daily when we have a project going on). But having someone that had a love for design, also a relatively new mom, and was successful with her flips, creating both time freedom and extra income for their family, my wife was 100% on board. This was something I could NEVER have done.
3 Reply
Alecia LovelessPro Member
Member since 2019 · 3k+ posts · 2k+ votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner My life partner, we’ve been together 6 years but not married yet, is fairly risk averse. She insisted on having our home, a duplex house hack I forced on her totally paid off with no mortgage.
While I've been involved in REI off and on over the years I've really gotten into it about four years ago. I'm about to close on my 7th property giving me 25 doors. I have tried to convince my partner to do a deal with me and got her onboard for one but there ended up being a bad issue with the inspection and we terminated the contract and afterwards she told me how relieved she was to not be having to be on a $300K mortgage. She didn't care about the tax benefits or the $800/month we were each going to receive, she was just petrified of the debt.
So I stopped asking her to join me in deals.
Now if I have to do anything at a property and she goes with me I feel like it’s nice to have the company but just as often she stays home and doesn’t go. Also we’re starting the process of buying her a different vehicle and she wants a truck for several reasons one of which is because she wants me to be able to use it for the real estate. So even though she doesn’t want to get actively involved she’s still willing to help out in some ways.
You may never be able to get your wife totally on board, she just may end up having some hang up like my partner does. If so I’d continue to work around it like I have if it’s your dream and a future you want for yourself.
Otherwise some of the other people gave some great advice.
0 Reply
Chadwick Cotner
OP
Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes
3y
Quote from @Jaron Walling:

@Chadwick Cotner It's the "dragging feet" aspect that's tough to read. My wife is doing that but for a really good reason. We're expecting in December so we stepped off the gas until our baby is born. Family first.

But I'm still in her ear about real estate. Maybe you can draw out a plan and say "I really want to find/buy/create an opportunity for us in the next 6 months". People have to talk about money. If you have a spreadsheet you can show the numbers behind your reasoning. Display the actual COC or ROI and explain loosely what it means. You said she's got RE license but that's doesn't always equate to REI mindset. Being an agent is working sales. Being an investor is buying right and working a strategy. Make that clear in her mind and maybe she'll catch the bug. Having a license and having an investor mindset is a POWERFUL combination.

Thanks for the input.
1 Reply
Chadwick Cotner
OP
Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes
3y
Quote from @Evan Polaski:

@Chadwick Cotner, I agree Tess. This is about her. Not convincing her, but her goals, her fears, her wishes. Like any sales job: what is she looking for. Once you understand and hear that, you layer in what you have learned and your plans to align those.
Another tool you could use: my wife likes to hear from others, as well. I was able to truly get my wife on board with investing (beyond what I had done with "my money") by connecting her with an acquaintance of mine that was a full time flipper/designer/mom. This was 8 yrs ago, and my wife still talks with this other woman near daily (and definitely daily when we have a project going on). But having someone that had a love for design, also a relatively new mom, and was successful with her flips, creating both time freedom and extra income for their family, my wife was 100% on board. This was something I could NEVER have done.

Thanks for the input.

0 Reply
Chadwick Cotner
OP
Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes
3y
Quote from @Alecia Loveless:

@Chadwick Cotner My life partner, we’ve been together 6 years but not married yet, is fairly risk averse. She insisted on having our home, a duplex house hack I forced on her totally paid off with no mortgage.
While I've been involved in REI off and on over the years I've really gotten into it about four years ago. I'm about to close on my 7th property giving me 25 doors. I have tried to convince my partner to do a deal with me and got her onboard for one but there ended up being a bad issue with the inspection and we terminated the contract and afterwards she told me how relieved she was to not be having to be on a $300K mortgage. She didn't care about the tax benefits or the $800/month we were each going to receive, she was just petrified of the debt.
So I stopped asking her to join me in deals.
Now if I have to do anything at a property and she goes with me I feel like it’s nice to have the company but just as often she stays home and doesn’t go. Also we’re starting the process of buying her a different vehicle and she wants a truck for several reasons one of which is because she wants me to be able to use it for the real estate. So even though she doesn’t want to get actively involved she’s still willing to help out in some ways.
You may never be able to get your wife totally on board, she just may end up having some hang up like my partner does. If so I’d continue to work around it like I have if it’s your dream and a future you want for yourself.
Otherwise some of the other people gave some great advice.

Thanks for the input. She is ok with investing in places she likes. I have a relative who owns 20 plus doors in Memphis (does not live in TN) because the market was right for him. I started to look in Memphis (and other markets) and she that is when she was most resistant. "I don't ant to live in Memphis" she says, and I tell her that I don't either, but as an investment market, especially one where I can afford to get into, and where I will have a mentor, may be the smart move, even if we have zero plans to actually live.

CW

2 Reply
Douglas SkipworthBusiness Member
Rental Property Investor · Memphis, TN · Member since 2014 · 1k+ posts · 1k+ votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner, I'm with @Tess Reitzand @Evan Polaski. It's as simple as 3 questions.
1. What does your partner want?
2. How does out-of-state real estate investing get her what she wants?
3. How do you effectively communicate and show her that OOS investing gets her what she wants?
It's really that simple. It's just not easy!
Investor's Guide to Memphis Real Estate
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1 Reply
Erin ChurchPro Member
Real Estate Agent · North Augusta, SC · Member since 2017 · 254 posts · 233 votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner
I got my husband onboard with a live in flip and a super cheap rental that made a good return. Can you do a live in flip first for some extra capital in the long run?
0 Reply
Chadwick Cotner
OP
Member since 2023 · 10 posts · 8 votes
3y
Quote from @Erin Church:

@Chadwick Cotner
I got my husband onboard with a live in flip and a super cheap rental that made a good return. Can you do a live in flip first for some extra capital in the long run?
In SC? Not right now. We were looking for either a STR, purely investment property or a LTR that we would move into once we are able to flee AZ.
0 Reply
Corby GoadeBusiness Member
Investor · Boise, ID · Member since 2014 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
3y
Quote from @Chadwick Cotner:

BP Members,

I am relatively new to RE investing and looking to start building my RE portfolio (multi family and/or SFH). I have had one prior property (SFH) that happened out of necessity rather than informed investing. That experience was poor for a few reasons but ended up OK when we sold.

However, now I am looking to get into active RE investing but am having a hard time convincing the significant other. I know there are benefits to owning a positive cash flow property, even if the numbers are tight, but am having a hard time articulating the facts for my opinion.

I have been looking in the BP forums, but the sheer number of threads and responses are immense.

What are the potential benefits/and or advice for someone like me, a $144K W2 employee, who is renting (thanks divorce) with decent credit score (again, thanks divorce), a veteran, with some cash in a TSP to invest, who is looking at markets out of my residential state (AZ) and not looking to house hack?

Please help me convince her RE investing is the way to go.

CW

Sounds like you arne't currently married? I mean, I get wanting your SO to be on board, but if you aren't married, what's truly stopping you from doing your thing?
For me- it took a long time to get my wife on board. We just had an agreement that I had to do it on my own, with my income and time, she didn't want to be involved at all.
After I did a few deals, very poorly, she started to see that I was making money but that she could add efficiency and processes that would make things better- she saw her place and where her skills could compliment and improve what I was doing on my own. That was all it took. A few more deals together, she quit her job and she's my boss now.
3 Reply
Vaughan Moody
Rental Property Investor · Corona, CA · Member since 2015 · 16 posts · 7 votes
3y
@Tess Reitz good answer Tess.
0 Reply
Greg Miller
Member since 2023 · 7 posts · 3 votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner
I would start with watching that Tom Hanks movie’The Money Pit’ then ‘The Super’.
Then maybe all the home improvement and flip shows. We have a Landlord group and it’s interesting to hear other perspectives.
The biggest step is the first one. It’s gotta be a choice because it’s a commitment.
0 Reply
Michael Mackney
New to Real Estate · Long Island · Member since 2021 · 55 posts · 19 votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner I had this issue for quite sometime to where it looked like justa hobby or a math equation to her. What changed her mindset was honestly a real estate conference. Once she felt the energy in the room of like minded individuals, success stories, and got to see the community real estate can build, she changed just like that. That few hundred dollars or so to attend a conference could be worth its investment 100X.
0 Reply
Scott Mac
Austin, TX · Member since 2019 · 5k+ posts · 5k+ votes
3y
Quote from @Chadwick Cotner:

BP Members,

I am relatively new to RE investing and looking to start building my RE portfolio (multi family and/or SFH). I have had one prior property (SFH) that happened out of necessity rather than informed investing. That experience was poor for a few reasons but ended up OK when we sold.

However, now I am looking to get into active RE investing but am having a hard time convincing the significant other. I know there are benefits to owning a positive cash flow property, even if the numbers are tight, but am having a hard time articulating the facts for my opinion.

I have been looking in the BP forums, but the sheer number of threads and responses are immense.

What are the potential benefits/and or advice for someone like me, a $144K W2 employee, who is renting (thanks divorce) with decent credit score (again, thanks divorce), a veteran, with some cash in a TSP to invest, who is looking at markets out of my residential state (AZ) and not looking to house hack?

Please help me convince her RE investing is the way to go.

CW

Why does she have to be on-board with it (??)

Why can't it be just "Your Thing" (???)

Do you have a lot of input on her brand of nail polish (if she uses that) (???)

I know it's a lot more money than nail polish, but I'm just using that to illustrate the 'Your Thing" concept.

Unless she is just dead set against it of course...in which case you will need to be a better salesman...

You could always try the old "Mink Coat" analogy (or something along those lines).

It goes like this, "I know you would like me to use this money to buy you a new Mink Coat (or vacation in Tahiti, or whatever), but if I do, the money will be gone forever. But if I do XY and Z with it I should be able to buy you (whatever it is she would like) year after year.

And you will probably not a get a go ahead from her just based on this, you will probably have to educate her further on how this (CAN) work...with the flip side being, of course you could lose your (you know what) too....so make sure you now your stuff...

Don't expect to drive competitively in NASCAR with a learners permit--make sure you 'know your stuff" about this business.

Good Luck!

0 Reply
Julien J.
Investor · CO · Member since 2016 · 757 posts · 1k+ votes
3y
Sell the dream that RE investing can make happen and demonstrate how to get there.
3 Reply
V.G JasonPro Member
Investor · Member since 2022 · 3k+ posts · 3k+ votes
3y
If you have to convince her, you're going to lose eventually. Just don't play in areas you can't keep up.
0 Reply
Account Closed
Rental Property Investor · Brooke Park Drive · Member since 2018 · 1k+ posts · 2k+ votes
3y
Step 1) Assert dominance using whale noises
Step 2) Buy rental house
0 Reply
Matthew DrouinPro Member
Developer · Rochester, NY · Member since 2016 · 412 posts · 340 votes
3y
@Chadwick Cotner
I think you have to start with the end in mind. Do you and your partner even have alignment THERE?
Most couples don’t talk about this. So set aside some time while both of you can be present and ask them what’s the vision for their life and what they want for your life together and ask why? They may tell you things you’ve never heard before.
So then so the math together, can you feasibly get to end goal by doing exactly what you are doing right now?
If the answer is no then something has to change.
Ask if they are open to the idea of real estate investing. Explain you too are a path to discovery and if they are interested in discovering together? Hopefully they are at least curious.
Start listening to podcasts together. Audio books together. Maybe you could go to a meet up together once a month as the bidding real estate power couple.
Ultimately my wife had no interest, but at least she understood after getting some education and seeing there was an entire community of successful people doing this thing. And it wasn’t just me feeling jazzed about real estate investing after watching some late night infomercial.
You have some other questions here but are going to be irrelevant until you get your partner on board and that’s going to take time; you can’t just give them a sheet of paper with the bullet points and expect them to change their mind.
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