I hear there's a recent case in Federal Court where an investor was found NOT GUILTY of violating anti spam laws because his text was asking to BUY a property, which isn't sales (which is what marketing is). 

I know this question was discussed many times previously, but hoping that high W2 or capital loss carryover bends the case in my favor to claim this as capital gain. 

Case in point, I picked up some turkish blankets with great color and pattern on Etsy that looked awesome in my photos, and one of them was gone by guest #3.

Seek to get an understanding of what they know about ADA compliant (probably nothing), present your case in calm friendly manner.  

Case in point, years ago we used Olympic paints from Lowes, which were carried for a long time.

This is the case in a few states. 

Case in point: Inflation is still sticky, like my sourdough bread leaven.

You should consider consulting an attorney.I've consulted an attorney, they usually like to handle the case in court and not advise on intricacies of how to negotiate a cash for keys arrangement. 

I ate nothing but rice and black beans and protein shakes.

Investing this amount in passive deals might not provide immediate income, and you could end up waiting years to see returns (similar case in most investments.)