After several deals I could afford to do a contract for deed with him to live in one of my properties, I pay that living expense in exchange for labor every month (rehabs on properties and maintenance on existing properties).

I've had buyer brokers drop comm amounts in exchange for a price drop.

SD market is tough for cash flow, at least when you initially purchase the home.Your best bet is a live in flip / house hack, meaning you buy a house in need of some love in a nice neighborhood at a discount, fix it up and then house hack.  

Your best bet is to buy a multifamily, live in one unit for a year, and rent out the other units. 

If you plan on using your VA loan (which I highly recommend for a house-hack) you have a few options: Your best bet would be getting a full time job lined up immediately after your EAS.

Because he is the only name on the note, is she able to give him cash in exchange for quit claiming the house to her?

I don't know the average time on market there, but would bet it's in the 6-12 month range.  

If you expect to use it for another property and pay back the "loan" over a few years, the REFI is probably the better bet.

I bet the concrete is not dense with aggregate, and aggregate is like pebble river rock instead of crushed aggerate.  

You will have to watch out for your 10 mortgage limit however so either find a portfolio lender or 1031 exchange into something better.Keep going for as long as you can.