I realized that many agents don't take these factor into account (I assume genuine ignorance or that they just don't care and just want to get their commission by landing something soon).

I was also think long joint venture but it’s gotta make a whole lot of sense. 

That said, if the property is genuinely uninhabitable/dangerous and you're planning to spend a ton to gut-renovate the place anyway, your best bet might be paying for 60 days to put the tenant up in a safe short term rental of equal or better state than this current property.

If one genuinely plans to hold the loan without selling or refinancing for the full term, then rate should carry more weight, but even then, a few extra payments to principal easily offset a higher rate.I've had at least 5 investors this past few weeks show me offers for 4.5-5% rates on some of the worst loan terms I've ever seen.  

Married filing jointly, W-2 job that'd put us into the 15% federal capital gains territory.

https://4isn.com/marylandhi/my...

I could use some genuine help on finding a way to make this happen. 

Genuinely interested in your response!  

I don't have any bridge loan recommendations, but I would suggest utilizing a Margin Loan if you have an Individual or Joint Taxable account.

There’s usually options like individual, corporation, LLC, TIC, joint tenants and trust.