I hire the services of professionals for tax preparation and legal. 

Therefore either (1) be prepared to be on the market for a long time or (2) price it accordingly.

We explain in our offer letter to sellers that we are serious investors, we are not agents/brokers, we pay cash, and are prepared to close in as soon as x number days.

Be prepared to deal with that by getting ready to close through your own title company.

I didn’t know that I was joining a community that would prepare beginners for tenants that would probably never slam a door in there face...I don’t have 15+ years in real estate investing...

You would have to prepare a note, amortization table, etc, etc.  

I'm preparing for # 1, but hopeing for # 2.

You must constantly have your finger on the pulse of your market, and more importantly, you need to be prepared to change when your market changes.

I will need to give the insurance agent the name of the lender so that he'll be insured in case of any type of liability-Once I have the policy, have it send (along with the Title Policy) to the lender's attorney, so she can prepare the loan documents.Step 14: Close the Deal-At closing, I'll sign a Closing Statement showing all the fees involved in the transaction (for attorneys, title insurance, survey, etc.)

How do I prepare the purchase agreements?