They can normally facilitate a remote closer OR they can overnight package and you can notarize them / overnight back to them.Occasionally lenders may be concerned about tampering the documents when overnight or printed out/notarized; that might be a reason with this specific lender.

I don't know if I shot myself in the foot by telling them I'm from California, making them think I'm used to enduring ridiculously high prices or what.

We did a complete gut job and had to completely tear down a portion of the house and rebuild it due to poor footing on a previous job.

They had to remove the (moldy rotting) flooring & code required them to sono-tube the footings 48inches deep.

Probably minimum $60k and make sure you read the fine print re: delivery charges, etc.Start with the zoning board in your area and take it from there.

Home Depot has a very cheap cardboard laminate that can be had for about 75 cents per square foot, and if you laid it yourself you can 500 square feet down for about 500 bucks.

Our HUD house had a plumbing leak - three deliberate holes drilled in the bottom of a basement pipe, equally spaced one foot apart. 

The reason they are doing this is because it increases foot traffic.

House hacking can be the perfect way to get your foot in the door.

I'd have a sign professionally made stating "No Smoking Anything Inside or Outside These Premises"Further, in smaller print, quote from ME smoking regs:  "A violation of the smoking rules constitutes a civil violation for which a fine of $ 100 may be imposed.