Which is customary in hot real estate markets.

I am trying to distance myself emotionally from this (I'm white hot mad right now), and I know that being done with them financially is best for all, but what can we do legally? 

Good question...I am not sure of the exact parameters you would set in your search, but look out for the lemons with all the juice squeezed out of them...That is, pay attention to CAPEX and try not to grab any hot potatoes where the current owner is selling just as about everything from the driveway to the roof needs to be replaced soon (or before it gets too hot, or costly!). 

Everyone here knows we're in a hot market, MLS houses sell for $450-800k retail in the areas I'm searching.  

If it is hot then the system may run constantly. if it is undersized or there is a room that needs a supplementary window unit you can ask the landlord but I doubt you will get that from them it would be for you to provide.

I know that here in the Detroit market, a very hot market right now, a ton of properties get sold on qcd.

Or an awesome hot tub, which would make my back problems feel so much better.  

This is a J-O-B, but one that lets you participate in the upside of a hot market without putting much capital at risk and lets you learn and network in the process so that when the next correction comes you are already established in a great position to take full advantage.The two above are not mutually exclusive either, BTW.

Consult with a Realtor if you would like to know the market rent.The rental market is very hot right now.  

well,   you are waiting to long to make your offer.I suspect your competition 1. is making offer sight unseen2. they know value3. they do the inspections and such during their due diligence period 4. if they don't like it during due diligence they foldNow there could be pet buyers that the listing agents have for sure this happens.. the folks I know that do this look at the hot sheet at 4am when it hits and have offers on listing brokers e mail before 7am.get first in line .