In addition, dealing with other people, especially shady CONtractors, note the CON [sorry to all the contracts on here (not really 🙃)] and city inspectors were not my cup of tea 🍵.

NOT LESS TIME THAN THIS.Total time, anywhere from 120 to 150 days for Due Diligence, Inspection, Appraisal, Mortgage etc.Good, complete inspection, in your presence, by a most detailed building inspector is worth your money. 

Otherwise the property inspector will run taps and check for drainage and flow rates.

Your inspector/company may be able to add those on to their base inspection.

How many hours have I spent talking to laborers/contractors/building inspectors/Fire Chiefs/ Highway department people?

Boulder does not need your increased tax dollars, they don't want any change to their city, and they drag their feet forever to not only give permission but also to approve anything.If you do not have 1,000 years to patiently wait for a permit to be approved (almost a sure bet you miss something on the original and it gets denied at least once) then do not buy in Boulder.Come to Longmont, where it will take you 20-30 minutes to get to Boulder, but our permit office WANTS you to improve the city, and our inspectors want you to pass - as long as you are following the building code. 

After making certain the numbers work and it's a good deal, make certain you have A) a good real estate attorney who will make the buying process easy and not drop the ball B) A really good inspector (even if you know the place is in major need of work having the inspection report is vital - from knowing what you're getting into to having facts when you argue down your property taxes).Finally, to get an idea of repairs you can have a contractor check out the property with you.

Got to pay the lender, put money in escrow, pay the attorney, pay the surveyor, inspector, appraisal, the list goes on.

With my construction background, my home inspector certifications and my research abilities and joy for helping people I feel Im a allstar player for someone out there. 

Pier and beam is a standard construction method for a foundation and should be fine if properly maintained.A good metal roof can last up to 50 years.Definitely have a good inspector inspect the property.