You would need someone to fill in for you who is capable of handling anything thrown their when you are unable to be reached for a long period of time. 

How to handle noise complaints and what stipulations should I put in the lease?

The contact person must handle any complaints from the renters.It is not that onerous and the licensing procedures are available on line.

I handle them myself. 

Use the deposit to handle cleaning and repairs, then refund the remainder.

The rental income and expenses would show up on a "schedule E" on your personal tax return.Your CPA should handle this for you.

Hey guys,Real estate brokers, how do you guys handle commission payouts for your agents? 

Title company is helping me w/ that activity on this project, but I handled that personally w/ STL County for my last flip in Mehlville.

I can handle the mortgage of roughly $1,500/month on my own (it'll just make my timeline for paying down CC debt a little longer), however I'm worried I won't qualify for anything.  

It's kind of the wild wild west and some of these tenants don't know the laws but each city has it's own unique set of rules, grams, age requirement, and how the transaction is handled.