On the outside of the envelope will be a paper that says something to the effect of "If you refer someone to me to rent a house, I will pay you a commission of 1/2 of the second weeks rent." 

I just don't want to waste his time or mine and not have any direction on how I'm going to give and get value.

That would effectively drop your down payment to 4%.This is likely only going to work with a small, local bank, and a seller who's pretty motivated and/or business savvy, though!

The sellers claimed it was cleaned up but upon a re-examination we found human waste STILL in the basement, not to mention the guy cleaning it up was just a maintenance man and had not come close to taking  appropriate measures to rectify (a shovel and hose doesn't clean up bio waste).

They claim that the wholesalers are not real buyers, only closing if they FIND the real buyer, therefore they are in effect selling the property on behalf of the seller.The wholesaler's argument is that they are PRINCIPALS in the transaction, exercising their right to withdraw from the contract if contingencies are not met, or by exercising the purchase option often now included in purchase contracts.  

Most will have language to the effect that you cannot disclose or discuss any data or information that is deemed proprietary to the disclosing party and that which is not generally known to the public.If you want to talk numbers here on BP hypothetically, I think you would be fine since numbers are not "proprietary".

It's basically the Pygmalian Effect which is something I certainly believe in.  

Direct them to the Bigger Pockets marketplace to find another investor - or offer to tell some investors you know - so that their work isn't wasted.  

If you are investing in a tenant friendly district you need to understand that your courts mandate is to not evict tenants.Landlords must accept the fact that they are never going to change policy and are wasting their time chasing windmills if they think otherwise.

There are different kinds of options, the option detailed above is a "European Option" (has nothing to do with Europe) where the right to purchase becomes effective over a short period or on a date in the future.