transacting - buying and selling - is expensive and can consume years of gains, with all of the commissions and fees you have to pay. 

Is there a place that I'm supposed to be looking up the details like taxes, hoa, photos, etc that is understood amongst each other?

Those funds won't be taxed and you can use them to buy your food, convert back to an Airbnb for income, and use some of it for a down payment on your dream home. 

There are high risk processors but they will charge a 5% transaction fee and hold back 25% of your gross processing for six months to cover chargebacks.You havve options.

We will use proceeds from the str to pay the note but may be missing some tax benefits with this structure. - The land was homesteaded under the same parcel ID as our primary residence as it was next door and will be carved out at sale. - We have lived in the house more than two years

You have no idea what the wholesaler told the seller.I suspect the out-of-pocket $40,000 is for the wholesaler's fee.

Obviously you want to pay attention to your interest rates, cost of appraisals, and fees for refinancing.

like what kind of surprises can we see with REO like backed taxes, association etc?

Next are hard money fees, and third are sales commissions.

For instance, is it common to state to pay a flat fee of only up to $x amount in the event the seller does not cover the cost?