It seems a shame to lose the whole deal and over 1k between my EMD and ext. fee all because of these technicalities.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  

Then as your more familiar with the area and maybe even lock up a willing seller with a long term contingency, do another round of 1031s into the ideal property then.That way you don't buy the wrong property but you also don't lose the tax deferral.

so you could lose $30 - $40,000 above the value by doing the work and holding costs during that time, or lose $20 - $30,000 selling it to an investor for $10-$20,000. how much more are you willing to lose on the property just to hold it ?

There are some big players here and they usually have their finger always in the cookie jar.

Talk to people, ask questions, impress them with your willingness to work and learn.Remember, you will sometimes lose money, it's a shock the first time it happens.  

You should also consider that things can move in the opposite direction and potentially you can lose a that investment just as simply, so it is a riskier investment.  

You may lose some of the deal, but hopefully you won't lose your shirt.

During the bust, I got busy with a 100% DIY remodel of my current house to make it more attractive to the next buyer (or appraiser) and, thru my effort, managed to at least not *lose* any value when things tanked.

As far as knowing what you want and verbalizing it, from my experience the investors who don't have a solid plan for a house going in are the ones who lose time and money.

I think you've just got to make a gut call and be comfortable with the prospect of losing with either option - either because you went all in, sent it to their only findable addresses and risked pissing somebody off, or because you chose to avoid that possibility and missed an opportunity.