Their March quarterly balance sheets say they're still lying through their polished teefies..

Bathtub, white fingernail polish with a clear coat on top .  

I can either pay in cash with a quick close, on terms, or I am also a licensed agent so we can list the house on the MLS if you want to go a more traditional route) if the conversation goes that far.Any advice and words of wisdom to help me polish my presentation would be so much appreciated!

All you're doing in that scenario is trying to polish a turd.

Polish them up and sell them.

First thing, fix/polish your credit

Long story about it, but work was done on the property along the way, nothing major, just paint, polish, small issues, carpet, stenciling just messing with it.

-http://blog.homedepot.com/diy-board-and-batten-wainscotingBathroom-Resurface/Refinish yellow tile to white, and leave the black, as black; -Leave the floor as-is, but clean and polish, to make it pop a bit more-Replace toilet, bath hardware, and sink hardware, partly because we pay the water, and we want water efficient items to drive down the water bill as much as possible;-Replace window if it has Lead paint-Remove curtain valence :-) https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps...Bedroom-No planned changes-https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps.97/6/e/e/8/picture-uh=bfef554726567a5541316d342924ad-ps=6ee830b24aa165c59eea61b0f12ee6d6.jpgFront Hall-No planned changes-https://thumbs.trulia-cdn.com/pictures/thumbs_5/ps...The other units have older counter-tops, so will update to Formica most likely, or whatever $700 can get us. 

The upside for you is that there is no incentive to "polish a turd", (sorry, there really isn't a better way to put it).  

@spencer @Spencer Keables a couple thoughts: - maybe try to expand the search to outlining suburbs - I suspect there are 1% areas close to where you live but they might be in a little less polished neighborhoods - have you tried working with a real estate agent?