@Austin Cooke is livonia too far of a drive for you?

You as the buyer are of course paying a premium for this just as you're paying a premium to get a steak cooked for you at a 5 star restaurant.

I'm sure there should at least be separate meters for the electric but I'm not too sure about the heat, hot water, city water, and cooking gas.

Absolutely...plumbing, A/C-Heat, refrigeration, all the equipment for cooking...that's all on you. 

I don't mean in the "bitter" sense; more like I'm used to having to put my money in the pot without outside help--primarily because of creditworthiness.  

Amazingly, I think I recall that Cook County's rates are actually below the average for IL in general - do you find this to be true? 

EM in the form of a check MUST be deposited within a certain amount of business days.. it can't be held un cashed.. so that is a non issue and your paranoia on that issue is un founded.As to Escrow  in So Cal its customary to have separate escrow and title companies.. in Nor cal for instance and Oregon and Washington Title and escrow is all under one roof.So its common for brokerages to own these.. they must make a disclosure that they own them. and many times in these type of instances the Seller will dictate who they want to work with.. you could of course have an attorney represent you in this transaction and interact  with the escrow company if your that worried.Liz Pendance on the condo makes bank loan not feasible until that's cleared .. so unless your paying cash its a non starter anyway... this is one thing that condo associations and those that own condo's really miss the ball on .. they think they will just sue.. but in essence they cook their own goose as their property becomes illiquid ...

Recessed "pot lights" are my bugaboo, hate em.

:) Think about the first time you had to cook a nice meal.

Would you open a restaurant without knowing anything about cooking, food costs, table space/counts, or even a decent chef?