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--A number of conventional (non-portfolio) loans/products just disappeared, or got way more expensive. 

This whole operation takes a crap-ton of time per location, and every time I do it I start to wonder if "simply" ripping out all the wiring in the entire house wouldn't be just as fast, when momentum and final product is factored.

Sincerely, Sean Banilivy Based upon your list I am guessing you're looking for information so you can eventually invest in some type of turnkey market and or product. 

I told him I had experience in filmmaking and I owned a production company.

@Austin LargusaYou may look at commercial mortgage products or some favor of portfolio financing.

The product you're looking for is a simple non owner occupied resi loan that will be sold to Fannie or Freddie.

My options were limited because I tried to do all of this during Carnaval, which is the worst time to get anything productive done.

I also take this to mean more tenured/rock star agents don't want their time wasted.

Many Property Managers have "Turnkey product" or have the system to help you buy, clean up, rent, and manage something from afar.