If you want to buy a home and live in it for a few years before renting it out, I will look at low-money down conventional/FHA options; if you cannot qualify conventionally with your DTI, I would look at DSCR loans.

The only options that seem available to us are add the parents to our application, remove either parents or wife from the duplex, or in the future put the rents all in my wife's name which might negatively affect my in-laws.You guys are my Hail Mary, hoping you can spot a solution I'm missing!

From stainless steel to white, and even soapstone, there’s tons of options to choose from.

I'm looking at what options I have to pull equity out of other rental properties I have.Does anyone know of investor-friendly lenders that service the San Antonio / South Texas area and will allow home equity loans or HELOCs on rental properties?

Flipping homes is still a s option.

I've drawn the new build for an owner-occupant to have a single family home but with the option of having a "tenant"/roommate or family member (perhaps in-laws, or elderly parent/grandparent, or a brother/sister, who wants private, separate living space, etc.) living in their own space with their own separate utilities.

If you build the wealth when you can it will give you a lot more flexibility and options later in life as it’s a marathon not a sprint

Check to see if there are any purchase + rehab options. 

Howe much term is left on it, do they have any renewal options? 

If possible, I would suggest looking into negotiating a cash for keys option.